I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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