There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
