let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we're so committed to being not committed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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