for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
