Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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