you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
