Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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