Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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