I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
