he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
