you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
