The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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