they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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