Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
