Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
