lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
