i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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