WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
