I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
