she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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