did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm getting married
To pizza
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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