I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
