I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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