I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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