I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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