I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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