Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
