the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
