I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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