O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
