Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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