I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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