and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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