You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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