She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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