The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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