Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
