Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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