nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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