tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
