If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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