so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
