accomplished twins. life is a go
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
