cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
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I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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