I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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