I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
