Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
