i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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