Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
