Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
