how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize