So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
