And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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