you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
