i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
