I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
