Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize