if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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