my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have aggressive nipples.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
