your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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