So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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