when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
