Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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