Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
