Nicole vs. Life
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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