phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
