dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your cock deserves a montage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
