weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
