i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
