There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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