Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone shattered a urinal.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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