1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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