I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My first STD was from a foam party
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
