I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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