The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
