He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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