your parents love me but you hate me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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